Ask Lola Archive!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
Nestea or Coffee?
Potpot
Message
hi lola ^_^ well, I have a problem...and I need your advice. there's this two guys let's name them as Nestea and Coffee...si Nestea ay boyfriend ko, after ilang weeks ko syang sinagot, hindi na sya nagpaparamdam. that time na hindi na sya nagpaparamdam nakilala ko si coffee and he made me love him...sa tingin mo whom should I choose? the one who I love pero walang commitment or the one who I treat as a friend pero may commitment ako sa kanya? thanks in advance ^_^
Ask Lola says:
Whoa... big mess. You don't just go around jumping from one guy to another. They're human beings with hearts.
1. I don't understand why your boyfriend just went MIA (Missing in Action) on you? In the whole honest truth, regardless of Coffee being around, that's a "let's have a talk" type of matter.
2. I hope you didn't do anything with Coffee that constitutes, "cheating." But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, it's impulse. Yes it just happens. But let's keep it clean and abide the rules. Which means....
3. Break up with your boyfriend before going for another person. If you don't love him anymore, or if you're not happy with him, then have a talk and end it. It might become awkward, that's for sure. But at least, you know that it's within the rules of dating.
4. I don't know about other people, but I have this two-month rule: Wait after two months before you date another person again. It's just a courtesy thing in my opinion. But if you really can't wait, then I guess... what the heck.. go for it.
5. Go for whatever makes you happy. Just treat everyone the way they deserve to be treated!
Message
hi lola ^_^ well, I have a problem...and I need your advice. there's this two guys let's name them as Nestea and Coffee...si Nestea ay boyfriend ko, after ilang weeks ko syang sinagot, hindi na sya nagpaparamdam. that time na hindi na sya nagpaparamdam nakilala ko si coffee and he made me love him...sa tingin mo whom should I choose? the one who I love pero walang commitment or the one who I treat as a friend pero may commitment ako sa kanya? thanks in advance ^_^
Ask Lola says:
Whoa... big mess. You don't just go around jumping from one guy to another. They're human beings with hearts.
1. I don't understand why your boyfriend just went MIA (Missing in Action) on you? In the whole honest truth, regardless of Coffee being around, that's a "let's have a talk" type of matter.
2. I hope you didn't do anything with Coffee that constitutes, "cheating." But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, it's impulse. Yes it just happens. But let's keep it clean and abide the rules. Which means....
3. Break up with your boyfriend before going for another person. If you don't love him anymore, or if you're not happy with him, then have a talk and end it. It might become awkward, that's for sure. But at least, you know that it's within the rules of dating.
4. I don't know about other people, but I have this two-month rule: Wait after two months before you date another person again. It's just a courtesy thing in my opinion. But if you really can't wait, then I guess... what the heck.. go for it.
5. Go for whatever makes you happy. Just treat everyone the way they deserve to be treated!
Addicted to Reading Stories
R.M.
Message
i really love reading stories... reading one makes my day complete.. but as for now, it seems like I can't focus on my studies.. I really had tried to refrain reading one but I just can't.. please give me some advice to avoid it..
Ask Lola says:
Nothing is wrong with reading, really. But being unproductive 'coz of it? Not so much.
Have a set schedule! I know that sounds soooo nerdy, but try to do a schedule in which you need to follow. E.g., there is a certain time you study, certain time where you can hang out with friends, and certain time to just chill and read stories. If it's a computer matter, ask your parents to block it for you during the time when you need to study, and then you can just unblock it later on.
It also helps to engage yourself in another activity. The more diverse your hobbies are, the less time you get addicted to a certain thing. It's a matter of getting used to. The busier you get, the harder it is to just sit down doing one thing. One day you'll find yourself catching up on school instead!
Message
i really love reading stories... reading one makes my day complete.. but as for now, it seems like I can't focus on my studies.. I really had tried to refrain reading one but I just can't.. please give me some advice to avoid it..
Ask Lola says:
Nothing is wrong with reading, really. But being unproductive 'coz of it? Not so much.
Have a set schedule! I know that sounds soooo nerdy, but try to do a schedule in which you need to follow. E.g., there is a certain time you study, certain time where you can hang out with friends, and certain time to just chill and read stories. If it's a computer matter, ask your parents to block it for you during the time when you need to study, and then you can just unblock it later on.
It also helps to engage yourself in another activity. The more diverse your hobbies are, the less time you get addicted to a certain thing. It's a matter of getting used to. The busier you get, the harder it is to just sit down doing one thing. One day you'll find yourself catching up on school instead!
I Don't Like Her Boyfriend
Frc
Message
hello po i'm Frc,
sa groupo namin ako ung pnakatuturing nlang ate. sakin po sla humihngi ng tulong if my problem. kaya lang po eh ngaun may friend ako na nagka boyfriend i dont like this so called boyfriend.kasi po eh hndi ko po lubos na kilala kaya lang natatakot po ako na sabhan sya baka po magbago pakikitungo nya sa akin. pero tkot po ako na masaktan sya maaapektuhan po ung studies nya if they had this break up..
Ask Lola says:
Why don't you like the boyfriend to start with? Is he bad news? If he's not, then it's hard to back you up with telling your friend off with this boyfriend of hers. Are they in a verge of a breakup? If they're not, then we shouldn't assume the negative. The best you can do is to tell her to leave something for herself, so if any thing happens, she's won't completely feel left out.
Look after her, and make sure it's not affecting her studies (whether or not they're in a breakup). Relationship shouldn't take over studies. Once it does, it's not healthy. That's why friends are there, because as a third-party person.. you can tell when something goes wrong.
Message
hello po i'm Frc,
sa groupo namin ako ung pnakatuturing nlang ate. sakin po sla humihngi ng tulong if my problem. kaya lang po eh ngaun may friend ako na nagka boyfriend i dont like this so called boyfriend.kasi po eh hndi ko po lubos na kilala kaya lang natatakot po ako na sabhan sya baka po magbago pakikitungo nya sa akin. pero tkot po ako na masaktan sya maaapektuhan po ung studies nya if they had this break up..
Ask Lola says:
Why don't you like the boyfriend to start with? Is he bad news? If he's not, then it's hard to back you up with telling your friend off with this boyfriend of hers. Are they in a verge of a breakup? If they're not, then we shouldn't assume the negative. The best you can do is to tell her to leave something for herself, so if any thing happens, she's won't completely feel left out.
Look after her, and make sure it's not affecting her studies (whether or not they're in a breakup). Relationship shouldn't take over studies. Once it does, it's not healthy. That's why friends are there, because as a third-party person.. you can tell when something goes wrong.
Move on?
A.D.
Message
alam nio po may gusto pa din ako sa EX ko peo..niloko nia lang po ako..tapos ngayon po may nagkakagusto sa akin ngayon,di ko po alam kung anung gagawin ko..nssktan po ako kc may bago na din ung EX ko..alam ng puso ko na mahl ko pa din po xa peo mahal ko n din po ata ung manliligaw ko..anu po ba dapat kong gawin??
Ask Lola says:
If your ex (who already moved on apparently) didn't treat you right, I hope that shows that he probably does not deserve your love. If you still love him, that's perfectly normal. It's part of the break-up moving on process.
As for this new guy who is interested with you but you're not sure if you love him, all I can say is that don't jump in any commitment unless you're sure for a fact that you have solid feelings for him. You don't want him as a "rebound," and I'm sure he wouldn't want to be treated as such either.
Message
alam nio po may gusto pa din ako sa EX ko peo..niloko nia lang po ako..tapos ngayon po may nagkakagusto sa akin ngayon,di ko po alam kung anung gagawin ko..nssktan po ako kc may bago na din ung EX ko..alam ng puso ko na mahl ko pa din po xa peo mahal ko n din po ata ung manliligaw ko..anu po ba dapat kong gawin??
Ask Lola says:
If your ex (who already moved on apparently) didn't treat you right, I hope that shows that he probably does not deserve your love. If you still love him, that's perfectly normal. It's part of the break-up moving on process.
As for this new guy who is interested with you but you're not sure if you love him, all I can say is that don't jump in any commitment unless you're sure for a fact that you have solid feelings for him. You don't want him as a "rebound," and I'm sure he wouldn't want to be treated as such either.
Left Behind
S.M.
Message
hello lola,
just hoping na matulungan niyo po yung friend ko. she's suffering an emotional pain..maybe?
-when she's in elementary iniwan siya ng friends niya and she became a loner, then it happened again kaya takot siyang maulit na naman but i conclude she's not alone cause i'm here and were here.
I'm just thinking the thing that would make her forget everything about her past.
Lagi parin niyang iniisip yun and that's too emotional,she keeps thinking about it. She have to be happy right? i'm just concern.
Ask Lola says:
If her past is that painful, then she is still healing from it. The fact that you're there for her is a start already. Make her feel loved, that you're always there for her. Reassure her that the past happened for a reason: maybe it happened because you guys are destined to meet. If she was still with those buds of hers, odds are, you guys are probably not as close are you are now. Let her know that if they left her, does not mean you'd do the same. She still has that insecurity that one day, you won't be there next to her.
You may not be always physically with her, but make sure you guys are connected. Movies, letters, even sharing secrets. Time is the only thing that can help her heal, and so does loving people around her! Get her our of her shell :)
Message
hello lola,
just hoping na matulungan niyo po yung friend ko. she's suffering an emotional pain..maybe?
-when she's in elementary iniwan siya ng friends niya and she became a loner, then it happened again kaya takot siyang maulit na naman but i conclude she's not alone cause i'm here and were here.
I'm just thinking the thing that would make her forget everything about her past.
Lagi parin niyang iniisip yun and that's too emotional,she keeps thinking about it. She have to be happy right? i'm just concern.
Ask Lola says:
If her past is that painful, then she is still healing from it. The fact that you're there for her is a start already. Make her feel loved, that you're always there for her. Reassure her that the past happened for a reason: maybe it happened because you guys are destined to meet. If she was still with those buds of hers, odds are, you guys are probably not as close are you are now. Let her know that if they left her, does not mean you'd do the same. She still has that insecurity that one day, you won't be there next to her.
You may not be always physically with her, but make sure you guys are connected. Movies, letters, even sharing secrets. Time is the only thing that can help her heal, and so does loving people around her! Get her our of her shell :)
The One I Love, or the one who loves Me
hmmn! hmn
Message
sino pipiliin ang taong mahal mo o taong ngmmhal sau?
Ask Lola says:
This is similar to the other entry I answered before. Check this page http://jessicastories.weebly.com/ask-lola-archive-1.html for the entry "The One I Love or the one Who Loves Me."
Message
sino pipiliin ang taong mahal mo o taong ngmmhal sau?
Ask Lola says:
This is similar to the other entry I answered before. Check this page http://jessicastories.weebly.com/ask-lola-archive-1.html for the entry "The One I Love or the one Who Loves Me."
Long Distance Relationship
Ch. R.
Message
me and my bf have a long distance relationship...almost 3months narin kming hindi nagkikita ... nagttxt nman cia sakin mga 3 beses sa isang linggo pero sa 3beses na un isang msg lang ang natatanggap q sa mga araw na un...pano q ba malalaman qng mhal pa q ng bf q o inaantay nia nlang na aq na ung unang sumuko sa relation nmin?
Ask Lola says:
First off, why does the text have to have a certain number?
Second, communication is two-way, not one-way. Do you at least take the initiative to text him first?
Third off, if he really wants you to give up, he would not communicate with you at all. That one text, will never happen. But he still takes that effort, so I'll give him credit.
Fourth, tell him your concerns, because LDR is already hard so don't make it any more complicated!
Fifth, if phone and online communication is all you have, embrace it. Don't count your blessings. Make it work!
Message
me and my bf have a long distance relationship...almost 3months narin kming hindi nagkikita ... nagttxt nman cia sakin mga 3 beses sa isang linggo pero sa 3beses na un isang msg lang ang natatanggap q sa mga araw na un...pano q ba malalaman qng mhal pa q ng bf q o inaantay nia nlang na aq na ung unang sumuko sa relation nmin?
Ask Lola says:
First off, why does the text have to have a certain number?
Second, communication is two-way, not one-way. Do you at least take the initiative to text him first?
Third off, if he really wants you to give up, he would not communicate with you at all. That one text, will never happen. But he still takes that effort, so I'll give him credit.
Fourth, tell him your concerns, because LDR is already hard so don't make it any more complicated!
Fifth, if phone and online communication is all you have, embrace it. Don't count your blessings. Make it work!
Do I Still Have Feelings for Him?
Sissy
Message
Hi!! So, my ex and I broke up almost a year ago but I think I still love, or atleast like, him. Can you give me tip/s to know if i still do have feelings for him? He's my first boyfriend so I can't really tell. Thanks a lot :)
Ask Lola says:
Just the fact that you're asking about him means he still crosses your mind.
SO YES, YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM.
Message
Hi!! So, my ex and I broke up almost a year ago but I think I still love, or atleast like, him. Can you give me tip/s to know if i still do have feelings for him? He's my first boyfriend so I can't really tell. Thanks a lot :)
Ask Lola says:
Just the fact that you're asking about him means he still crosses your mind.
SO YES, YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM.
Tips on Feature Writing
The Writer
Message
Napasubo kasi ako sa mga friends ko na sumali sa isang event ng school. It's about feature writing and honestly I really don't know where to start. Any tips?
Tnxo~ ♥
Ask Lola says:
This is not my area of expertise, but here's what I can tell you: Feature writing differs from straight news mainly for its style. Straight news is more of direct to the point type of writing, whereas feature writing has more flare.
1. Introduction - create a buildup. It's crucial to hook your readers in. I once won a feature writing piece back in the middle ages (haha :) ). My introduction: talking trees. My topic: Autumn. It things that make you want to read the piece. Why are they talking anyway?
Which brings us to the second part...
2. Body - The body answers the issue that you raised in the introduction. You can't just open one thing, and then jump onto another. Keep the tone the same. A piece can't be talking about a funeral jumping into partying. It just doesn't flow together.
Lastly...
3. Conclusion - It's as if performing in the theater. You leave with a *bang.* The key to a good story is to make it memorable. If no one remembers what you wrote, you were ineffective. Ask yourself, what stories or articles have you read that made you remember it? Why so? Maybe it's something that concerns you? In what sense?
I hope that helps! Answers are vague. Good luck on your writing!
Message
Napasubo kasi ako sa mga friends ko na sumali sa isang event ng school. It's about feature writing and honestly I really don't know where to start. Any tips?
Tnxo~ ♥
Ask Lola says:
This is not my area of expertise, but here's what I can tell you: Feature writing differs from straight news mainly for its style. Straight news is more of direct to the point type of writing, whereas feature writing has more flare.
1. Introduction - create a buildup. It's crucial to hook your readers in. I once won a feature writing piece back in the middle ages (haha :) ). My introduction: talking trees. My topic: Autumn. It things that make you want to read the piece. Why are they talking anyway?
Which brings us to the second part...
2. Body - The body answers the issue that you raised in the introduction. You can't just open one thing, and then jump onto another. Keep the tone the same. A piece can't be talking about a funeral jumping into partying. It just doesn't flow together.
Lastly...
3. Conclusion - It's as if performing in the theater. You leave with a *bang.* The key to a good story is to make it memorable. If no one remembers what you wrote, you were ineffective. Ask yourself, what stories or articles have you read that made you remember it? Why so? Maybe it's something that concerns you? In what sense?
I hope that helps! Answers are vague. Good luck on your writing!
Flirty Friend?
YanYan YanYan
Message
You see, one of my closest friend is really.. um... FLIRTY. She loves to change boyfriends every month. Minsan nga to the point na apat yung pinagsasabay-sabay niya eh. She's pretty kaya sobrang confident niya sa sarili niya. Inaabuso niya yon. So my problem is, i'm worried for her. Baka mamaya kasi may kung anong mangyari sa kanya dahil sa ginagawa niya. Baka bigla siyang ambushin or worse, ma-rape ng isa sa mga ex niya diba? But I really can't nag her for that. I mean, it's her life and stuff. And if I ever try to tell her that, she'll be pissed about it and our friendship might end. I don't want that.
Ask Lola says:
As her friend, it is in your job description to tell her if you see there's something wrong or something can go wrong. And having four boyfriends at a time is DEFINITELY wrong and will go in every direction that is wrong.
You don't have to nag her. Nagging is different than actually giving her a talk. But as a friend, you have to let her know that what she's doing isn't right. Even if she does or does not listen to you, at least you let her know so she's aware of the problem. If maybe in an unfortunate case that she does drop you as a friend for telling her that, then she just lost one really good friend who cares for her. You did your part, and she should too.
Message
You see, one of my closest friend is really.. um... FLIRTY. She loves to change boyfriends every month. Minsan nga to the point na apat yung pinagsasabay-sabay niya eh. She's pretty kaya sobrang confident niya sa sarili niya. Inaabuso niya yon. So my problem is, i'm worried for her. Baka mamaya kasi may kung anong mangyari sa kanya dahil sa ginagawa niya. Baka bigla siyang ambushin or worse, ma-rape ng isa sa mga ex niya diba? But I really can't nag her for that. I mean, it's her life and stuff. And if I ever try to tell her that, she'll be pissed about it and our friendship might end. I don't want that.
Ask Lola says:
As her friend, it is in your job description to tell her if you see there's something wrong or something can go wrong. And having four boyfriends at a time is DEFINITELY wrong and will go in every direction that is wrong.
You don't have to nag her. Nagging is different than actually giving her a talk. But as a friend, you have to let her know that what she's doing isn't right. Even if she does or does not listen to you, at least you let her know so she's aware of the problem. If maybe in an unfortunate case that she does drop you as a friend for telling her that, then she just lost one really good friend who cares for her. You did your part, and she should too.