_Ask Lola Archive!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
Is he bored with me?
Arianne M.
Message
hmm there's a boy whose personality is cool, awesome and not boring person. And that person is my cousin's bestfriend. And when everytime na mgchat kami nagiingat ako sa mga reply ko sakanya kasi nga bka isipin nya na isa ako na mga ibang girls na malalandi tapos baka sabihin nya pa sa cousin ko na one of the girls ako :( kaya ang ginagawa ko isang tanong isang sagot kaya siguro di na sya nkikipagchat because feeling ko nabored sya na kachat ako:| And I mean it he's my crush? or more than that and this is my first time na mainlove. So what will I do para magingclose kami?
Ask Lola says:
Just talk to him as if you're talking to a friend or a family member. Imagine being together with someone and always holding back.
Besides, talking to a person and showing interest does not mean you're a woman of the world. It's not like you're talking to him about something vulgar. Just be casual and smart and so you don't leave him feeling uninterested.
Arianne M.
Message
hmm there's a boy whose personality is cool, awesome and not boring person. And that person is my cousin's bestfriend. And when everytime na mgchat kami nagiingat ako sa mga reply ko sakanya kasi nga bka isipin nya na isa ako na mga ibang girls na malalandi tapos baka sabihin nya pa sa cousin ko na one of the girls ako :( kaya ang ginagawa ko isang tanong isang sagot kaya siguro di na sya nkikipagchat because feeling ko nabored sya na kachat ako:| And I mean it he's my crush? or more than that and this is my first time na mainlove. So what will I do para magingclose kami?
Ask Lola says:
Just talk to him as if you're talking to a friend or a family member. Imagine being together with someone and always holding back.
Besides, talking to a person and showing interest does not mean you're a woman of the world. It's not like you're talking to him about something vulgar. Just be casual and smart and so you don't leave him feeling uninterested.
Are we still together?
Jellica S.
Message
hmm . ung Bf ( Heeder un cname nya ) ko po kc . di ko alam kun Bf ko pa sya . yung last time n nag-usap kami ang sabi nya sakin mahal n mahal nya daw ako. yung parang ayos lang daw sya masaktan wag lang ako . den after that , bgla nlang para syang umiiwas . hindi n nya ko nilalaptan tzaka knakausap . then one time nagtxt skin ung classmate ko, sabi daw s knya ni Heeder n wala n daw kami . Close kami nung classmate ko n snbhan nya , i don't why kung bakit nya sinabi yun . ANg hirap kasi pag my ngttnng sakin kung kami pa hindi ko alam kung ano isasagot ko . Mahal ko si Heeder and ang sabi nya mahal nya ko pero bat ganon nlang yun sinabi niya.
Ano pong gagawin ko?
I need some advice lang .
Ask Lola says:
Go talk to him! I cannot tell you what happened either. I can give advices on something concrete, but I cannot guess 'coz it could be anything. If you used to be able to talk to this guy like he's the only guy that matters in the world, I'm sure you can ask him the question of 'What happened?'
Jellica S.
Message
hmm . ung Bf ( Heeder un cname nya ) ko po kc . di ko alam kun Bf ko pa sya . yung last time n nag-usap kami ang sabi nya sakin mahal n mahal nya daw ako. yung parang ayos lang daw sya masaktan wag lang ako . den after that , bgla nlang para syang umiiwas . hindi n nya ko nilalaptan tzaka knakausap . then one time nagtxt skin ung classmate ko, sabi daw s knya ni Heeder n wala n daw kami . Close kami nung classmate ko n snbhan nya , i don't why kung bakit nya sinabi yun . ANg hirap kasi pag my ngttnng sakin kung kami pa hindi ko alam kung ano isasagot ko . Mahal ko si Heeder and ang sabi nya mahal nya ko pero bat ganon nlang yun sinabi niya.
Ano pong gagawin ko?
I need some advice lang .
Ask Lola says:
Go talk to him! I cannot tell you what happened either. I can give advices on something concrete, but I cannot guess 'coz it could be anything. If you used to be able to talk to this guy like he's the only guy that matters in the world, I'm sure you can ask him the question of 'What happened?'
Am I Selfish?
Misty P.
Message
Hello :) Just want an advice. Tungkol po 'to sa friend ko since high school, actually bestfriend na.. We are really close. Sobrang open ko na sa knya. And then finally, college na. She met a new group of friends. Okay nman sila, napakilala niya naman ako dun pero parang may something akong naffeel everytime na magkakasama sila. I think natthreaten ako, takot na mawala sya?or maybe jealous ksi my group of friends na sya at close na sila? Idk :| Actually, my friends na rin naman ko kaya hndi ko nga alam bt nkkaramdam ako ng gnun eh. Weird! Alam kong masaya nman sya dun eh, masaya rn naman ako for her pero bat gnun? Hayyss.. Ang selfish ko ba masyado? Ano dpat kong gawin? Help me! :| Thanks :))
Ask Lola says:
Let her grow and meet people. Especially now that she's in a new school, she's bound to meet new friends, and so do you. Same thing will happen when you guys start working.. etc. Just at least spend quality time together (just you two) to make sure the bond is still there!
Misty P.
Message
Hello :) Just want an advice. Tungkol po 'to sa friend ko since high school, actually bestfriend na.. We are really close. Sobrang open ko na sa knya. And then finally, college na. She met a new group of friends. Okay nman sila, napakilala niya naman ako dun pero parang may something akong naffeel everytime na magkakasama sila. I think natthreaten ako, takot na mawala sya?or maybe jealous ksi my group of friends na sya at close na sila? Idk :| Actually, my friends na rin naman ko kaya hndi ko nga alam bt nkkaramdam ako ng gnun eh. Weird! Alam kong masaya nman sya dun eh, masaya rn naman ako for her pero bat gnun? Hayyss.. Ang selfish ko ba masyado? Ano dpat kong gawin? Help me! :| Thanks :))
Ask Lola says:
Let her grow and meet people. Especially now that she's in a new school, she's bound to meet new friends, and so do you. Same thing will happen when you guys start working.. etc. Just at least spend quality time together (just you two) to make sure the bond is still there!
Do I Deserve This?
En EL
Message
hello po.. :) hingi lang ako ng advice sana..
i have this Boyfriend(Ex na siguro?? yeah..) kasi, he's actually a sweet guy, he was actaully the one who helped me before nung mga panahong I'm so in love sa friend nya (let's just call him ark)na unfortunately eh hindi nag-end up na kmi, but that's another story, yun n nga he( tawagin na lang ntin sya sa name na spid) always keep me company pag alam nyang i needed someone to talk to, he always makes me laugh, he makes me feel like I'm a princess(in fairness sakanya) and so naging kami nga kasi na-feel ko sakanya yung pagpapahalaga :) our relationship went well.. hanggang sa nagkaroon yata ng problem?(na hindi ko alam ano pinag-simulan) nagkaron ng time na parang nang-aasar sya yung tipong coldness nya na halatang nang-aasar lang, pag tatanungin ko sya kung anong problema sasabhn nya wala daw, then later i just found-out na ang problem pla nya eh si ark, na sobrang naguguluhan ako kasi, we're not seeing each other na. so yun n nga sobrang nawalan na sya ng gana saakin, hindi na nga nya ko tinatawagan hindi katulad ng dati na after work sinisugrado nyang tatawagan ako, hindi na nya ko dinadalaw sa school ni hindi nga nya ko minemessage kahit sa YM lang.. nakakainis, then sinabihan ko syang maghiwalay na lang kami kasi I'm hurting.. I'm always asking my self kng anu nagawa ko to deserve this, and do I even deserve this treatment from him??, eh ang kaso ayaw nya makipaghiwalay. he even cried when I said I'm tired, and I want to end our relationship na. he said he don't want me to go so ayun hindi kami nagbreak. then after everything medyo nagbalik yung dating sya, nag-eeffort na ulit sya, when I thought everything's ok between us, I received a message from him saying he doesn't want me anymore, and we should end our relationship.. :( and that hurts like hell X(
Ask Lola says:
I know you cared for this guy, and it's completely normal to feel hurt after a breakup. But if a guy doesn't want you anymore, I think it's pointless to hurt yourself even more to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you! Someone deserves your love and affection, and I'm sure you'll find that person.
En EL
Message
hello po.. :) hingi lang ako ng advice sana..
i have this Boyfriend(Ex na siguro?? yeah..) kasi, he's actually a sweet guy, he was actaully the one who helped me before nung mga panahong I'm so in love sa friend nya (let's just call him ark)na unfortunately eh hindi nag-end up na kmi, but that's another story, yun n nga he( tawagin na lang ntin sya sa name na spid) always keep me company pag alam nyang i needed someone to talk to, he always makes me laugh, he makes me feel like I'm a princess(in fairness sakanya) and so naging kami nga kasi na-feel ko sakanya yung pagpapahalaga :) our relationship went well.. hanggang sa nagkaroon yata ng problem?(na hindi ko alam ano pinag-simulan) nagkaron ng time na parang nang-aasar sya yung tipong coldness nya na halatang nang-aasar lang, pag tatanungin ko sya kung anong problema sasabhn nya wala daw, then later i just found-out na ang problem pla nya eh si ark, na sobrang naguguluhan ako kasi, we're not seeing each other na. so yun n nga sobrang nawalan na sya ng gana saakin, hindi na nga nya ko tinatawagan hindi katulad ng dati na after work sinisugrado nyang tatawagan ako, hindi na nya ko dinadalaw sa school ni hindi nga nya ko minemessage kahit sa YM lang.. nakakainis, then sinabihan ko syang maghiwalay na lang kami kasi I'm hurting.. I'm always asking my self kng anu nagawa ko to deserve this, and do I even deserve this treatment from him??, eh ang kaso ayaw nya makipaghiwalay. he even cried when I said I'm tired, and I want to end our relationship na. he said he don't want me to go so ayun hindi kami nagbreak. then after everything medyo nagbalik yung dating sya, nag-eeffort na ulit sya, when I thought everything's ok between us, I received a message from him saying he doesn't want me anymore, and we should end our relationship.. :( and that hurts like hell X(
Ask Lola says:
I know you cared for this guy, and it's completely normal to feel hurt after a breakup. But if a guy doesn't want you anymore, I think it's pointless to hurt yourself even more to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you! Someone deserves your love and affection, and I'm sure you'll find that person.
They're Just Using Me
Little Miss Devil
Message
Hello po :)
I have a cousin, I will not mention her name, she's my bestest friend and my playmate since we were little and we became so close. Almosy every week nga may gala kami eh. At dun sa paggala naming yun, we met new friends. Mostly guys kasi medyo malakas talaga appeal ng pinsan ko. Then, napapansin ko dun sa mga nagiging kaibigan namin eh almost all of them, nakikipagkaibigan lang sakin para lang mapalapit dun sa cousin ko. I think they're just using me so that they could make a move to my cousin. In my part, syempre, masakit yun, gagamitin lang nila ako?!! Tapos kapag nakuha na ang gusto, balewala na lang ako. Magiging invisible na lang ako. For me, our friendship is a treasure tapos para sa kanila, wala lang. Trip trip lang. Mga parang ewan. Then, I just said to myself, iiwasan ko na lang sila at kung ganun lang din ang turing nila sakin, kalimutan ko na lang friendship namin. Tama ba ginawa ko?
Ask Lola says:
They're such dogs >:(
I don't think they're particularly using you to get with your cousin. I mean partially yes, but you might do the same if you ever start having a crush. You will also talk or try to be friends with people your crush hangs out with. On the downside, if they stop talking to you after they get what they want, then that is wrong. If you want to find new friends, do so! But don't avoid your cousin :) I don't think she has any fault for being attractive.
Little Miss Devil
Message
Hello po :)
I have a cousin, I will not mention her name, she's my bestest friend and my playmate since we were little and we became so close. Almosy every week nga may gala kami eh. At dun sa paggala naming yun, we met new friends. Mostly guys kasi medyo malakas talaga appeal ng pinsan ko. Then, napapansin ko dun sa mga nagiging kaibigan namin eh almost all of them, nakikipagkaibigan lang sakin para lang mapalapit dun sa cousin ko. I think they're just using me so that they could make a move to my cousin. In my part, syempre, masakit yun, gagamitin lang nila ako?!! Tapos kapag nakuha na ang gusto, balewala na lang ako. Magiging invisible na lang ako. For me, our friendship is a treasure tapos para sa kanila, wala lang. Trip trip lang. Mga parang ewan. Then, I just said to myself, iiwasan ko na lang sila at kung ganun lang din ang turing nila sakin, kalimutan ko na lang friendship namin. Tama ba ginawa ko?
Ask Lola says:
They're such dogs >:(
I don't think they're particularly using you to get with your cousin. I mean partially yes, but you might do the same if you ever start having a crush. You will also talk or try to be friends with people your crush hangs out with. On the downside, if they stop talking to you after they get what they want, then that is wrong. If you want to find new friends, do so! But don't avoid your cousin :) I don't think she has any fault for being attractive.
Assurance
Cedrick
Message
i have a girlfriend we have a long distance relationship and we are still new, 3months to be exact ...i always text her once a day because of my busy schedule ....this is the my problem....shes complaining that i dont love her because i dont spend much time with her ....what should i do to make her realize her worth cause i really love her
Ask Lola says:
Girls can be a little insecure right? I see. Well, since you spend most of your time being away, you can always assure her just by texting her or calling her to check up on her (which you already do). You can also tell her what you're doing, who you're with. The main problem with long distance is trust. When you do go back to visit, make time to see her. You can also surprise her with gifts that you specifically mailed to her! That usually sparks the aww factor :) It's the little things really!
Cedrick
Message
i have a girlfriend we have a long distance relationship and we are still new, 3months to be exact ...i always text her once a day because of my busy schedule ....this is the my problem....shes complaining that i dont love her because i dont spend much time with her ....what should i do to make her realize her worth cause i really love her
Ask Lola says:
Girls can be a little insecure right? I see. Well, since you spend most of your time being away, you can always assure her just by texting her or calling her to check up on her (which you already do). You can also tell her what you're doing, who you're with. The main problem with long distance is trust. When you do go back to visit, make time to see her. You can also surprise her with gifts that you specifically mailed to her! That usually sparks the aww factor :) It's the little things really!
Stop being friends with him?
Len
Message
hey lola, so i met this guy online and we've been talking for a few months now. during those few months, we were able to build quite a strong bond as friends. so here comes the complications; even from the start he was honest with me about his relationship with his ex. even though they were not together that time, i know the fact that he still loves her and cares for her. i had no problem with that coz what i felt for him that time is just pure friendship. even if he would usually tell me that he's starting to like me and started giving hints about his intentions of trying "us" out, i tried my best to reject him in the nicest way possible coz i dont want to get in their way. BUT after a few more months of being friends, he suddenly surprised me one day by telling me that he's getting back with her ex and that they're getting married soon. that's when i started realizing my feelings for him. i realized how attached ive become with him and i know that with this news,everything would change between us. but i want him to be happy so i said ill support him all the way and all i asked from him in return is to stop our relationship once he gets back with his girl. but he still insists that we keep our relationship the way it is. i dont want to offend the girl in anyway and i want this to end to stop me as early as possible from hurting more. what advice can you give me to convince him that we should end this already without revealing my feelings for him? please help?
Ask Lola says:
If you can be friends (and I do mean just completely platonic) with him even if he's married, I don't see there's anything wrong with that. However, if you want to just avoid him for a little bit to move on, do so for your own good! If it would help you to forget about him, then that's okay. You can always come back and talk to him again when you're emotionally ready to.
Len
Message
hey lola, so i met this guy online and we've been talking for a few months now. during those few months, we were able to build quite a strong bond as friends. so here comes the complications; even from the start he was honest with me about his relationship with his ex. even though they were not together that time, i know the fact that he still loves her and cares for her. i had no problem with that coz what i felt for him that time is just pure friendship. even if he would usually tell me that he's starting to like me and started giving hints about his intentions of trying "us" out, i tried my best to reject him in the nicest way possible coz i dont want to get in their way. BUT after a few more months of being friends, he suddenly surprised me one day by telling me that he's getting back with her ex and that they're getting married soon. that's when i started realizing my feelings for him. i realized how attached ive become with him and i know that with this news,everything would change between us. but i want him to be happy so i said ill support him all the way and all i asked from him in return is to stop our relationship once he gets back with his girl. but he still insists that we keep our relationship the way it is. i dont want to offend the girl in anyway and i want this to end to stop me as early as possible from hurting more. what advice can you give me to convince him that we should end this already without revealing my feelings for him? please help?
Ask Lola says:
If you can be friends (and I do mean just completely platonic) with him even if he's married, I don't see there's anything wrong with that. However, if you want to just avoid him for a little bit to move on, do so for your own good! If it would help you to forget about him, then that's okay. You can always come back and talk to him again when you're emotionally ready to.
Frustrarted Girlfriend
R Z
Message
hello lola!! you see I have this problem, my boyfriend is a very friendly and caring guy, he has a lot of FRIENDS!! my main concern is his so-called girl BEST FRIEND (ex M.U), he doesn't seem to notice how dependent and clingy she is on him. imagine, calling him up at 2 am to demand that he come to her house to console her (and she has her own BOYFRIEND) but then she took back her demand when she heard ME talking in the background saying to my boyfriend "it's okay I'll be fine alone" with a bitter tone as if wanting him to feel guilty. and the most annoying thing is he doesn't even notice that she's treating him as if he was HER boyfriend. other than this, I got annoyed how panicked he got when she ended the call (she had a history of cutting herself and using that to make people do things for her) he even told her to come to my apartment, and he kept saying that we should meet and become friends. I'm so frustrated Lola, what should I do?
Ask Lola says:
That is kinda' annoying, I have to admit. Does she have emotional/psychological issues? Has she been treated? If not, maybe you guys can help her out with that. That is scary.
On the other hand, why don't you really go meet her? I don't see why not. At least the tension between you and her is not this high. Your poor boyfriend has to choose between you OR her. Just think about it as, if something does happen to her, your boyfriend might blame himself for what happened. If the friend already has issues, try to adjust... but do it so with your boyfriend. Don't let him do everything alone.
R Z
Message
hello lola!! you see I have this problem, my boyfriend is a very friendly and caring guy, he has a lot of FRIENDS!! my main concern is his so-called girl BEST FRIEND (ex M.U), he doesn't seem to notice how dependent and clingy she is on him. imagine, calling him up at 2 am to demand that he come to her house to console her (and she has her own BOYFRIEND) but then she took back her demand when she heard ME talking in the background saying to my boyfriend "it's okay I'll be fine alone" with a bitter tone as if wanting him to feel guilty. and the most annoying thing is he doesn't even notice that she's treating him as if he was HER boyfriend. other than this, I got annoyed how panicked he got when she ended the call (she had a history of cutting herself and using that to make people do things for her) he even told her to come to my apartment, and he kept saying that we should meet and become friends. I'm so frustrated Lola, what should I do?
Ask Lola says:
That is kinda' annoying, I have to admit. Does she have emotional/psychological issues? Has she been treated? If not, maybe you guys can help her out with that. That is scary.
On the other hand, why don't you really go meet her? I don't see why not. At least the tension between you and her is not this high. Your poor boyfriend has to choose between you OR her. Just think about it as, if something does happen to her, your boyfriend might blame himself for what happened. If the friend already has issues, try to adjust... but do it so with your boyfriend. Don't let him do everything alone.
How to forget Him
Wilma M.
Message
anuh puh bang dapat qng gawin para malimutan q ung past namin ng mahal q.? nainlove puh kc xia sa klazmate q na aq mismo ang nagpakilala sakanya...:(
Ask Lola says:
This might have been an exhausted advice already, but it works just fine so why reinvent the wheel: KEEP YOURSELF BUSY! Go out with friends, do your homework, find a new hobby.. to the point where you're still having fun but you have little to no time to think of your past. When you do new stuff, you meet more people. You might meet a new person along the way to replace the place that he vacated. If you need to change circle of friends just to avoid them on your healing process, do so for now. It will help you forget. Come back to those you left out when you're ready to. You're the number 1 priority.
Wilma M.
Message
anuh puh bang dapat qng gawin para malimutan q ung past namin ng mahal q.? nainlove puh kc xia sa klazmate q na aq mismo ang nagpakilala sakanya...:(
Ask Lola says:
This might have been an exhausted advice already, but it works just fine so why reinvent the wheel: KEEP YOURSELF BUSY! Go out with friends, do your homework, find a new hobby.. to the point where you're still having fun but you have little to no time to think of your past. When you do new stuff, you meet more people. You might meet a new person along the way to replace the place that he vacated. If you need to change circle of friends just to avoid them on your healing process, do so for now. It will help you forget. Come back to those you left out when you're ready to. You're the number 1 priority.
Parents Issues
Kiel E.
Message
hello po, I'm kiel I'm a girl and I have a problem :D
the thing is, I have a boyfriend who loves me so much. it took him almost 8 years to wait for me. he said it was love at first sight. so now that we're together, he immediately told his parents about us, though he says it will be fine, I still worry because his parents do not approve our relationship just because of the fact that I am not from the same province, wherein their family holds great pride of their roots and treasures their traditions. they stereotype people from my province negatively. he defends me from them because he knows me and knows that not all stereotypes are true. their family is very strong in society so its very frightening to really continue our relationship. do you think we should end our relationship? thank you lola hope you'll help me
Ask Lola says:
If he was brave enough to tell his parents, then he's at least willing to fight for you even just a little. Try it out for now and maybe the parents will change their views! They have to see you for who you are. Show them you break stereotypes.
Kiel E.
Message
hello po, I'm kiel I'm a girl and I have a problem :D
the thing is, I have a boyfriend who loves me so much. it took him almost 8 years to wait for me. he said it was love at first sight. so now that we're together, he immediately told his parents about us, though he says it will be fine, I still worry because his parents do not approve our relationship just because of the fact that I am not from the same province, wherein their family holds great pride of their roots and treasures their traditions. they stereotype people from my province negatively. he defends me from them because he knows me and knows that not all stereotypes are true. their family is very strong in society so its very frightening to really continue our relationship. do you think we should end our relationship? thank you lola hope you'll help me
Ask Lola says:
If he was brave enough to tell his parents, then he's at least willing to fight for you even just a little. Try it out for now and maybe the parents will change their views! They have to see you for who you are. Show them you break stereotypes.