_Ask Lola Archive!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
My Bestfriend OR My Bestfriend?
qwerty delacruz
Message
umm.. panu po ang gagawin ko kapag ganito, nagkagusto ako sa dalawang tao, ang masama dun bestfriends ko sila at magbestfriend din cla.. kung pipiliin ko ung isa, alam ko na masasaktan ung isa.. anung gagawin ko? :(
Ask Lola says:
It hurts to say, but you don't pick when there are two feelings involved. But you don't technically play with both of them either and lead them on.
Message
umm.. panu po ang gagawin ko kapag ganito, nagkagusto ako sa dalawang tao, ang masama dun bestfriends ko sila at magbestfriend din cla.. kung pipiliin ko ung isa, alam ko na masasaktan ung isa.. anung gagawin ko? :(
Ask Lola says:
It hurts to say, but you don't pick when there are two feelings involved. But you don't technically play with both of them either and lead them on.
Meddle
X.G.
Message
..sana po matulungan nyo ako...hindi ko po alam kung may gusto talaga ako sa friend ko...naging close kami..sometimes nga po ngaharutan pa..nagki2litian...sometimes...napa2pansin narin po kami ng iba kong clasmate..ayaw ko rin naman pong mag assume..pero..ewan po...tapos po nalaman ko na mayy gusto sya sa isang clasmate..actually nalaman ko po yon before pa kami naging close...close ko po lahat ng clasmate...konti lang po kasi kami..18 nga lang po kami eh...tapos ganto po...nalaman ko po na yung gusto ng close ko na guy eh gusto rin nung girl na close ko rin..at sa ndi malamang dahilan..nag volunteer ako maging bridge sa knila...anu po gagawin ko???
Ask Lola says:
You can either do two things: (1) Since you volunteered yourself already, you make the most of it and be the best on the job of meddling and make people happy; OR (2) If it will really make you unhappy, you don't have to do it. It's your choice.
Message
..sana po matulungan nyo ako...hindi ko po alam kung may gusto talaga ako sa friend ko...naging close kami..sometimes nga po ngaharutan pa..nagki2litian...sometimes...napa2pansin narin po kami ng iba kong clasmate..ayaw ko rin naman pong mag assume..pero..ewan po...tapos po nalaman ko na mayy gusto sya sa isang clasmate..actually nalaman ko po yon before pa kami naging close...close ko po lahat ng clasmate...konti lang po kasi kami..18 nga lang po kami eh...tapos ganto po...nalaman ko po na yung gusto ng close ko na guy eh gusto rin nung girl na close ko rin..at sa ndi malamang dahilan..nag volunteer ako maging bridge sa knila...anu po gagawin ko???
Ask Lola says:
You can either do two things: (1) Since you volunteered yourself already, you make the most of it and be the best on the job of meddling and make people happy; OR (2) If it will really make you unhappy, you don't have to do it. It's your choice.
What Course Should I Take Up?
Erika S.
Message
...i am confused about what course to take up next school year, i find it confusing because i dont really know what to take up even at this moment...and apparntly i am a person who always depends my descision to othr people...
please help me!!!suggest or anything
-choices are: commerce
custom
Ask Lola says:
That's everyone's dilemma isn't it? They don't know what they want to do in college. It's normal.
Here's my advice: If you can't think of something that you love doing, then ask yourself, what pisses you off? What makes you so mad? List them up. Usually, the issues that make you mad when you can't list one you particularly love are the things that you will be passionate about regardless of the money component of the job. 'Hope that helps!
Message
...i am confused about what course to take up next school year, i find it confusing because i dont really know what to take up even at this moment...and apparntly i am a person who always depends my descision to othr people...
please help me!!!suggest or anything
-choices are: commerce
custom
Ask Lola says:
That's everyone's dilemma isn't it? They don't know what they want to do in college. It's normal.
Here's my advice: If you can't think of something that you love doing, then ask yourself, what pisses you off? What makes you so mad? List them up. Usually, the issues that make you mad when you can't list one you particularly love are the things that you will be passionate about regardless of the money component of the job. 'Hope that helps!
Playboy
Shane G.
Message
lola, may tropa po ako samin at mahal na mahal ko siya pero ang turing niya sakin ay isang kapatid lang. natatakot ako kasi pag sinabi ko sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko baka magbago yung magandang samahan namin. may pagka-playboy rin siya. yun rin ang isa ko pang ikinatatakot. pano na lang pag pinaglalaruan niya rin ako tulad ng mga babaeng pinaglalaruan nya.
lola, ano ang gagawin ko??
Ask Lola says:
Well, I don't want to sound negative really but you said so yourself that he only sees you as a sibling. Maybe you're too important to him that he won't even dare go that way to make you just one of his girls. If he's not interested because you're on the sibling-zone, it's hard to disclose your feelings... because, yes, it will make everything awkward. It would have been a different case if you guys are friends but you think he's a bit interested. As far as I'm concerned, if he doesn't see you as such, I don't think you should say it.
Message
lola, may tropa po ako samin at mahal na mahal ko siya pero ang turing niya sakin ay isang kapatid lang. natatakot ako kasi pag sinabi ko sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko baka magbago yung magandang samahan namin. may pagka-playboy rin siya. yun rin ang isa ko pang ikinatatakot. pano na lang pag pinaglalaruan niya rin ako tulad ng mga babaeng pinaglalaruan nya.
lola, ano ang gagawin ko??
Ask Lola says:
Well, I don't want to sound negative really but you said so yourself that he only sees you as a sibling. Maybe you're too important to him that he won't even dare go that way to make you just one of his girls. If he's not interested because you're on the sibling-zone, it's hard to disclose your feelings... because, yes, it will make everything awkward. It would have been a different case if you guys are friends but you think he's a bit interested. As far as I'm concerned, if he doesn't see you as such, I don't think you should say it.
I Really Want To Court Her Already
Alvin S.
Message
Am I the first guy here? A friend introduced this site, and found out this column. Cool.
I have a girlfriend for a year. We broke up. It was a mutual decision since we weren't very passionate about it anymore. It's been a month since we broke up. She's still single and all, we still communicate as friends. But there's this girl, I like her even before I went into a relationship, I just felt weak courting her because every guy I talk to likes her. She's not the crush ng bayan type of girl, but she's cute and very nice. We're friends for more than a year now, and she's this type of girl that the more you get to know, the more you would like.
I want to court her, but I don't want my ex girlfriend to think that this girl is a reason for our break up. How can I do it?
Well, girls give the best advices for guys. Thanks in advance, Lola.
P.S.
Hey girl, you might be reading this, it's not you, I swear. LOL :P
Ask Lola says:
Have you head of the 3-month rule? If you haven't, I'll break it down for you.
Girls have this thing where if they just got out of the relationship and they still have some sort of feelings for the guy, they think they'll (the guys) should wait at least 3 months before they can move on. Courtesy maybe? To make them feel special just so not to say they're easily replaced? MAYBE. It's not necessarily always true of course (you can date whenever you want... it's your life!) BUT if you really want that new girl not to appear as the reason of the breakup, then you wait for time to elapse.
Good luck!
Message
Am I the first guy here? A friend introduced this site, and found out this column. Cool.
I have a girlfriend for a year. We broke up. It was a mutual decision since we weren't very passionate about it anymore. It's been a month since we broke up. She's still single and all, we still communicate as friends. But there's this girl, I like her even before I went into a relationship, I just felt weak courting her because every guy I talk to likes her. She's not the crush ng bayan type of girl, but she's cute and very nice. We're friends for more than a year now, and she's this type of girl that the more you get to know, the more you would like.
I want to court her, but I don't want my ex girlfriend to think that this girl is a reason for our break up. How can I do it?
Well, girls give the best advices for guys. Thanks in advance, Lola.
P.S.
Hey girl, you might be reading this, it's not you, I swear. LOL :P
Ask Lola says:
Have you head of the 3-month rule? If you haven't, I'll break it down for you.
Girls have this thing where if they just got out of the relationship and they still have some sort of feelings for the guy, they think they'll (the guys) should wait at least 3 months before they can move on. Courtesy maybe? To make them feel special just so not to say they're easily replaced? MAYBE. It's not necessarily always true of course (you can date whenever you want... it's your life!) BUT if you really want that new girl not to appear as the reason of the breakup, then you wait for time to elapse.
Good luck!
Should I Break Up With Him?
Mhine
Message
May bf po ako and were 5 months already. Mahal na mahal ko siya at mahal na mahal niya rin daw ako...naniniwala namn ako sa kanya pero noon un at ngayon parang hindi na. Hindi na siya kagaya noon na very sweet. Parang nagbago na siya minsan nlang siyang mgtxt o magprmdam ... and parang hindi mahlaga sa knya ang monthsary namin. Minsan nga nakkalimutan niya and minsan nman ginigreet niya nga ako pero parang wala lng sa kanya. Hindi niya alam nasasaktan na ako ng sobra until i cried nlang a lot. Minsan nga naisip ko magbreak nlng kaya kmi para tapos na e2ng paghihirap ko.paghihirap nga ba????ewan?? ...hay!!!!:( help nmn po do u think makakabuti na ibreak ko siya? do u think may patutunguhan pa e2ng relationship namin???
tnx 4 the advice:)
thanks a lot LOLA !!!
pls dont post my email ad just the name Mhine :( ..tenkyu once again!!! <3
Ask Lola says:
A relationship goes through the honeymoon stage, and then it kinda' goes down from there. Sometimes, everyone is so excited so it's all about the sweetness stuff. Maybe that's what you're still looking for. It's either your guy is in the slow phase of the relationship already, or... the negative side wherein he's not interested anymore.
He still makes the effort from what I see. If you're hurting like you say you do, you'll talk to him. You can't just let go of someone that is important to you that easy. After that talk, you'll find our whether the relationship is worth continuing for.
Message
May bf po ako and were 5 months already. Mahal na mahal ko siya at mahal na mahal niya rin daw ako...naniniwala namn ako sa kanya pero noon un at ngayon parang hindi na. Hindi na siya kagaya noon na very sweet. Parang nagbago na siya minsan nlang siyang mgtxt o magprmdam ... and parang hindi mahlaga sa knya ang monthsary namin. Minsan nga nakkalimutan niya and minsan nman ginigreet niya nga ako pero parang wala lng sa kanya. Hindi niya alam nasasaktan na ako ng sobra until i cried nlang a lot. Minsan nga naisip ko magbreak nlng kaya kmi para tapos na e2ng paghihirap ko.paghihirap nga ba????ewan?? ...hay!!!!:( help nmn po do u think makakabuti na ibreak ko siya? do u think may patutunguhan pa e2ng relationship namin???
tnx 4 the advice:)
thanks a lot LOLA !!!
pls dont post my email ad just the name Mhine :( ..tenkyu once again!!! <3
Ask Lola says:
A relationship goes through the honeymoon stage, and then it kinda' goes down from there. Sometimes, everyone is so excited so it's all about the sweetness stuff. Maybe that's what you're still looking for. It's either your guy is in the slow phase of the relationship already, or... the negative side wherein he's not interested anymore.
He still makes the effort from what I see. If you're hurting like you say you do, you'll talk to him. You can't just let go of someone that is important to you that easy. After that talk, you'll find our whether the relationship is worth continuing for.
Clanmates
_mxz.ayan bernabe
Message
hi lola,
konting advice lng..may clan kc aq..muse aq ng clan namin... 5months na aqng member nung unang mga month ok naman sakin ung mga clanmate ko..pero ngaun mejo nagagalit na sakin ung mga gurls kong clanmate.. tama bang mag quit na lng aq??
Ask Lola says:
Well it depends. Why are they mad at you to start with? Why quit something you like doing? If you can still fix it, then try to talk it out with the girls. Now when you think it's too much already, then I would say take care of yourself and be happy. If this clan thing gives you stress and unhappiness, you leave and find someting that makes you cheerful and a better person. Don't keep something that puts you down.
_
Message
hi lola,
konting advice lng..may clan kc aq..muse aq ng clan namin... 5months na aqng member nung unang mga month ok naman sakin ung mga clanmate ko..pero ngaun mejo nagagalit na sakin ung mga gurls kong clanmate.. tama bang mag quit na lng aq??
Ask Lola says:
Well it depends. Why are they mad at you to start with? Why quit something you like doing? If you can still fix it, then try to talk it out with the girls. Now when you think it's too much already, then I would say take care of yourself and be happy. If this clan thing gives you stress and unhappiness, you leave and find someting that makes you cheerful and a better person. Don't keep something that puts you down.
_
Long Lost Love
M.L.
Message
hi,lola!i'm maymay..years ago,i had a friend..and i'm soo inlove with him..sabi ng friends ko may gusto daw siya sakin..inaasar din nla ako sakanya lagi pag magkakasama kami..pero i keep telling them na hindi ko siya gusto..kasi imposibleng maging kami..first,magkakalayo kami sa isa't-isa soon..second,mrameng mgagalit..hnd nmen npag-uusapan yung tungkol sa feelings nmen..until one day..he talked to me and asked me kung pde xia manligaw..that was a few days before kami bumalik dto sa pinas..nwalan kami ng communication for ?3years?..then..nkita ko nlang n in-add nia ko sa fb..hnd ko nman na siya naiisip for the past 3years..pero ngayon na may communicaton na kami..lagi ko na siya naiisip..and npapansin ko din na pinaparinggan nia ko lagi sa fb or kahit lalabas kameng magkakaibigan..hnd ko nalang siya pnapansin..kxe ang alam ko wala na..pero bkit nsaktan ako nung niligawan nia yung bestfriend ko??
thanks lola!!
Ask Lola says:
I have to admit, this was a really confusing message 'coz of the time component so I'll try to respond as much as I understood it.
How long ago was it when he asked you out? How did you respond back to him? Did you say yes or no? If you didn't give him a definite answer, and it was the time when you weren't in the country just yet, then maybe that was the reason why he courted your bestfriend. He wanted to move on, and if you didn't give him the answer he was hoping for, he assumed you weren't interested. If he is courting your bestfriend now, then leave him be. If he's not and he's interested with you like he says he is, then maybe you can drop hints. BUT, take your bestfriend into consideration. This gets complicated when she was interested with him too. Try not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Message
hi,lola!i'm maymay..years ago,i had a friend..and i'm soo inlove with him..sabi ng friends ko may gusto daw siya sakin..inaasar din nla ako sakanya lagi pag magkakasama kami..pero i keep telling them na hindi ko siya gusto..kasi imposibleng maging kami..first,magkakalayo kami sa isa't-isa soon..second,mrameng mgagalit..hnd nmen npag-uusapan yung tungkol sa feelings nmen..until one day..he talked to me and asked me kung pde xia manligaw..that was a few days before kami bumalik dto sa pinas..nwalan kami ng communication for ?3years?..then..nkita ko nlang n in-add nia ko sa fb..hnd ko nman na siya naiisip for the past 3years..pero ngayon na may communicaton na kami..lagi ko na siya naiisip..and npapansin ko din na pinaparinggan nia ko lagi sa fb or kahit lalabas kameng magkakaibigan..hnd ko nalang siya pnapansin..kxe ang alam ko wala na..pero bkit nsaktan ako nung niligawan nia yung bestfriend ko??
thanks lola!!
Ask Lola says:
I have to admit, this was a really confusing message 'coz of the time component so I'll try to respond as much as I understood it.
How long ago was it when he asked you out? How did you respond back to him? Did you say yes or no? If you didn't give him a definite answer, and it was the time when you weren't in the country just yet, then maybe that was the reason why he courted your bestfriend. He wanted to move on, and if you didn't give him the answer he was hoping for, he assumed you weren't interested. If he is courting your bestfriend now, then leave him be. If he's not and he's interested with you like he says he is, then maybe you can drop hints. BUT, take your bestfriend into consideration. This gets complicated when she was interested with him too. Try not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Close Friends
R.Z.
Message
hi po lola !! :))
ako nga po pla si rhonallyn ,,, 15 years old po ,, and sana po maintindhan nyo po ako ,, kc first time ko ln po mgsulat sa isang advice column ,, heheh,,
actually po ,, wala nmn po cguro akong matinding problem kung meron nmn po cguro po ung reason nun is sobrang babaw ,, gusto ko ln nmn po kc mgkaroon ng isang friend na mkikinig sa mga bawt tampo ko sa ibang tao ,, ngawa ko na po sya sa ibang tao even in my bestfriends pero po kc ndi nla ako naiintindihan ih ,, kya po naisipan ko pong sumult dito ,,
sa ngayon po kc my tampo po ako sa isang close friend ko ,, sya lang po kc ung sa tingi ko ay totoo sa akin ,, pero po kc parang ung pagpapahalaga ko po sa kanya is ndi nya naaapriciate ,, kc po sa tuwing mgpapakita po ako ng mga paglalambing sa knya ,, ngagalit pa po say tapos po kc 3 po kmi na mgkakaclose sa toom ,, ang nangyayari po kc ngaun is parang ngging hangin na lang po ako sa kanilang dalwa ,, kung mgkakaroon po kc kmi ng sharing ng mga secrets ,,, ndi po nila casv ung sa knla sila lang pong dalawa ung nakakaalma nung mga secrtes nila ,, tapos po ako kpg my mga secrets po ako na cnasv sa knla ,,, nirereveal po nila un sa room ,, sa tingin nyo po ba tama ung ginagawa ko na ,, ndi na lng po pinapansin ung mga ginagawa nila sa akin ???
i hope po you understand it ,, sna po mbgyan nyo po ako ng advice or kht ano po ,, kc ang kailangan ko ln nmn po is a friend na mkikinig at magiintindi sa akin ,,,
Ask Lola says:
I see it like this: If they don't share their secrets with you, then they don't feel as comfortable sharing those with you just yet. Give them their space. Maybe your friend thinks you're being too clingy in a sense of, he/she can't have other friends too. It would be healthy for you to make new friends.. so if in case you find your friend unavailable to listen to how you feel, you still have someone to fall back on. Don't limit yourself with one or two friends.
Message
hi po lola !! :))
ako nga po pla si rhonallyn ,,, 15 years old po ,, and sana po maintindhan nyo po ako ,, kc first time ko ln po mgsulat sa isang advice column ,, heheh,,
actually po ,, wala nmn po cguro akong matinding problem kung meron nmn po cguro po ung reason nun is sobrang babaw ,, gusto ko ln nmn po kc mgkaroon ng isang friend na mkikinig sa mga bawt tampo ko sa ibang tao ,, ngawa ko na po sya sa ibang tao even in my bestfriends pero po kc ndi nla ako naiintindihan ih ,, kya po naisipan ko pong sumult dito ,,
sa ngayon po kc my tampo po ako sa isang close friend ko ,, sya lang po kc ung sa tingi ko ay totoo sa akin ,, pero po kc parang ung pagpapahalaga ko po sa kanya is ndi nya naaapriciate ,, kc po sa tuwing mgpapakita po ako ng mga paglalambing sa knya ,, ngagalit pa po say tapos po kc 3 po kmi na mgkakaclose sa toom ,, ang nangyayari po kc ngaun is parang ngging hangin na lang po ako sa kanilang dalwa ,, kung mgkakaroon po kc kmi ng sharing ng mga secrets ,,, ndi po nila casv ung sa knla sila lang pong dalawa ung nakakaalma nung mga secrtes nila ,, tapos po ako kpg my mga secrets po ako na cnasv sa knla ,,, nirereveal po nila un sa room ,, sa tingin nyo po ba tama ung ginagawa ko na ,, ndi na lng po pinapansin ung mga ginagawa nila sa akin ???
i hope po you understand it ,, sna po mbgyan nyo po ako ng advice or kht ano po ,, kc ang kailangan ko ln nmn po is a friend na mkikinig at magiintindi sa akin ,,,
Ask Lola says:
I see it like this: If they don't share their secrets with you, then they don't feel as comfortable sharing those with you just yet. Give them their space. Maybe your friend thinks you're being too clingy in a sense of, he/she can't have other friends too. It would be healthy for you to make new friends.. so if in case you find your friend unavailable to listen to how you feel, you still have someone to fall back on. Don't limit yourself with one or two friends.
Unsaid Feelings
Anonymous09 De Asis
Message
Imma ask you, umm. Paano kapag.. you fall inlove with someone tapos gusto mong sabihin kaso hndi mo naman pwede gawin dahil wala na kayong communication at lumipat na siya ng iabng school since, teacher siya? ;O At, kelangan po ba sabihin? Gusto ko na rin sana mag move on. :( Thanks in advance.
Ask Lola says:
You try to be happy and move on. It's hard to tell someone how you feel when you guys don't really necessarily talk anymore. That would be a little too random. Good luck!
_
Message
Imma ask you, umm. Paano kapag.. you fall inlove with someone tapos gusto mong sabihin kaso hndi mo naman pwede gawin dahil wala na kayong communication at lumipat na siya ng iabng school since, teacher siya? ;O At, kelangan po ba sabihin? Gusto ko na rin sana mag move on. :( Thanks in advance.
Ask Lola says:
You try to be happy and move on. It's hard to tell someone how you feel when you guys don't really necessarily talk anymore. That would be a little too random. Good luck!
_