_Ask Lola Archive!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
(Only those who answered 'YES' in the third section are published here. For confidentiality purposes, we changed the real names and left out the email addresses.) These answers may be shorter than the actual email sent!
Do I Still Care About Him?
itsme_ LimitEdition
Message
hey ^^,
let's put it this way. it's been months since my so-called badboy broke the connection between us. we were madly inlove back then until he decided to love me without commitment. i agree on his decision and so nging mag-MU nlng kmi. by that time, inamin kong nabawasan ung feelings ko dhl sa nging decision nia. until nga nkpagbreak na nmn siya for the nth time. he said na he's afraid na bka dmating ung time na wla na tlga akong nrrmdaman for him. kht msakit,tinanggap q.it was hard at first,dhl sobrang nmiss ko siya kya dq mpgilan na ndi mgprmdam.then we lost our communication.dq maintindhan srili q.prang nklimutan q na sia and i dnt care anymore.prang ang dali kong mkalimot.i dont knw if this is for real or what. do you think i've already moved on since i dont care about him anymore?
i'd be glad to hear from you. :)
Ask Lola says:
Well, the fact that you asked about this means you still care for him (even for a little bit). You fully moved on when you finally don't think of the person in any romantic link. And since you do, I would say you still do for a little bit. It may not be as much as it used to be, but you still do.
If you really want to move on, you keep doing what you're doing. It seems to be working for you because you're trying to move on and you at least think you stop caring. Just don't be too "bitter" on what happened because all relationships had some sort of lesson learned. Once you fully accept that, that's the time you can move on eventually.
itsme_ LimitEdition
Message
hey ^^,
let's put it this way. it's been months since my so-called badboy broke the connection between us. we were madly inlove back then until he decided to love me without commitment. i agree on his decision and so nging mag-MU nlng kmi. by that time, inamin kong nabawasan ung feelings ko dhl sa nging decision nia. until nga nkpagbreak na nmn siya for the nth time. he said na he's afraid na bka dmating ung time na wla na tlga akong nrrmdaman for him. kht msakit,tinanggap q.it was hard at first,dhl sobrang nmiss ko siya kya dq mpgilan na ndi mgprmdam.then we lost our communication.dq maintindhan srili q.prang nklimutan q na sia and i dnt care anymore.prang ang dali kong mkalimot.i dont knw if this is for real or what. do you think i've already moved on since i dont care about him anymore?
i'd be glad to hear from you. :)
Ask Lola says:
Well, the fact that you asked about this means you still care for him (even for a little bit). You fully moved on when you finally don't think of the person in any romantic link. And since you do, I would say you still do for a little bit. It may not be as much as it used to be, but you still do.
If you really want to move on, you keep doing what you're doing. It seems to be working for you because you're trying to move on and you at least think you stop caring. Just don't be too "bitter" on what happened because all relationships had some sort of lesson learned. Once you fully accept that, that's the time you can move on eventually.
What Should I Tell My Friend?
Erica S.
Message
Okey so I have a friend na may gusto sa kakilala... Abby is my friend pero hndi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa kanya kasi mukhang gusto na Nya yung guy tlga na to the point na gusto Nya sya na ang mangligaw pero ang problema their from both different country. Nahihirapan Lang ako kasi sa akin sya humihingi ng advice tungkol dun sa guy na Hindi ko naman masyadong kilala at ayoko dun sa guy kasi ang alam ko may gusto na syang iba. Alam ko rin na hndi naman tlga nagwowork yung relation nila pero hndi ko Lang kayang sabihin sa friend ko. Anung gagawin ko??
Ask Lola says:
O.O Well if the guy likes someone else then he won't even think about courting her to start with.. right? I'd say you be make sure she knows that rather than hoping he would court her eventually. If she's in the friend zone, it takes a while to get out of it regardless of any distance we're talking about.
Erica S.
Message
Okey so I have a friend na may gusto sa kakilala... Abby is my friend pero hndi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa kanya kasi mukhang gusto na Nya yung guy tlga na to the point na gusto Nya sya na ang mangligaw pero ang problema their from both different country. Nahihirapan Lang ako kasi sa akin sya humihingi ng advice tungkol dun sa guy na Hindi ko naman masyadong kilala at ayoko dun sa guy kasi ang alam ko may gusto na syang iba. Alam ko rin na hndi naman tlga nagwowork yung relation nila pero hndi ko Lang kayang sabihin sa friend ko. Anung gagawin ko??
Ask Lola says:
O.O Well if the guy likes someone else then he won't even think about courting her to start with.. right? I'd say you be make sure she knows that rather than hoping he would court her eventually. If she's in the friend zone, it takes a while to get out of it regardless of any distance we're talking about.
I Really Want To Court Her Already Part 2
Alvin S.
Note: This is a series of advice. For the first part, check out: http://www.jessicaconcha.com/ask-lola-archive-5.html "I Really Want To Court Her Already"
Message
Hi Lola, remember me? So THIS girl just told me how it was posted that my message was your favorite. And THIS girl just knew, that I was talking about her. LOL :)
Anyway, thank you for the advice. And yes, I have heard of the 3-month-rule from Popoy and Basha (Gees, I'm feeling feminine over watching love stories, haha). I just didn't know it's true.
How about now, SHE already know how i wanted her, how do I act?
SORRY FOR THIS GUY DILEMMA.
(And another PS)
HEY GIRL, please pretend you didn't see this, haha!
Ask Lola:
Not sure who Popoy and Basha is but at least word spreads about the 3-month rule. haha
How about you ask yourself how she reacted when she found out that it was her you were talking about in this column? GOOD OR BAD? If it's bad, you stop reading here and stay friends with her and leave it as such. If it's a GOOD reaction, keep reading.
How about you get to know her more and just stay sweet? Do nice things and show sincerity? Courting doesn't always have to be spoken, it's just done. Make that bond. Talk to her. If people talk about it, you can always tell the truth that you're not officially courting her. They'll just assume you're interested--which you are--and there is nothing wrong with that.
3 months already?
How about you ask her if you can officially court her? Once you reach that well... you have an advantage now since you already got a heads up! Patience pays off. Just don't be the annoying/paranoid guy. Give her enough space to make decisions. Remember, she's not yours yet and you're working on it!
Alvin S.
Note: This is a series of advice. For the first part, check out: http://www.jessicaconcha.com/ask-lola-archive-5.html "I Really Want To Court Her Already"
Message
Hi Lola, remember me? So THIS girl just told me how it was posted that my message was your favorite. And THIS girl just knew, that I was talking about her. LOL :)
Anyway, thank you for the advice. And yes, I have heard of the 3-month-rule from Popoy and Basha (Gees, I'm feeling feminine over watching love stories, haha). I just didn't know it's true.
How about now, SHE already know how i wanted her, how do I act?
SORRY FOR THIS GUY DILEMMA.
(And another PS)
HEY GIRL, please pretend you didn't see this, haha!
Ask Lola:
Not sure who Popoy and Basha is but at least word spreads about the 3-month rule. haha
How about you ask yourself how she reacted when she found out that it was her you were talking about in this column? GOOD OR BAD? If it's bad, you stop reading here and stay friends with her and leave it as such. If it's a GOOD reaction, keep reading.
How about you get to know her more and just stay sweet? Do nice things and show sincerity? Courting doesn't always have to be spoken, it's just done. Make that bond. Talk to her. If people talk about it, you can always tell the truth that you're not officially courting her. They'll just assume you're interested--which you are--and there is nothing wrong with that.
3 months already?
How about you ask her if you can officially court her? Once you reach that well... you have an advantage now since you already got a heads up! Patience pays off. Just don't be the annoying/paranoid guy. Give her enough space to make decisions. Remember, she's not yours yet and you're working on it!
In Love with my Bestfriend
X lent girl
Message
Hello Lola.
i am a fourth year student now and i would like to ask you some advice. I would really appreciate your response.
Transferee student lang ako nung 3rd year ako sobra tahimik ko kasi sobrang magkakakilala na sila pero kahit ganun naging mabait naman sila sa akun lalo na to isang guy who become my bestfriend. lagi nga niya sinasabi sakin na "ikaw ang unang babae naging bestfriend ko" di ako naniwala doon pero sabi sakin ng mga classmates ko na ako lang daw talaga ang una nakaclose nun. anyways I called him PANGET ewan ko ba pero ngayon 4th year ko lang nasanay na tawagin siya nun pero pag sweet ako DADDY ang tawag ko sa kanya kasi may gusto siya sa MOMMY ko classmate ko pero nung may gusto na ko sa kanya panget na lang nasasaktan na ko nun eh haha sobrang sweet niya talaga nasanay na nga kami na kami ang laging nagkwkwentuhan, magkasama, basta pero ngayon iba na. Siguro nag sawa na siya sa company ko kasi di na kami madalas magsama ngayon tapos kapag naasar siya kapag inaasar kami sa isa't isa kung siya naasar ako kinikilig. nainlove na ko sa bestfriend ko. Di ko naman expected yun eh.
Pero sa totoo lang dahil siguro sobra busy niya sa mga gawain sa school dahil kahit maloko siya di ka maniniwala sobrang talino niya especially in math and science at officer siya sa mga clubs naiintindihan ko naman yun eh kaso para kami ewan ngayon pano ba naman para si FURY (tawagin na lang natin) na ang nasasabihan ko ng problema ko pag vacant namin siya lagi ang kausap ko kung ano si panget noon para si fury na yung pumapalit but still whatever happens si panget parin yung bestfriend ko pero parang hindi na ako yung bestfriend niya kasi kung ano ako sa kanya may pumapalit na iba SI M.A. :(((
di ko nga alam kung sa dadarating na christmas na siya parin ang kasama ko kasi narinig ko na niyaya ni m.a.si panget magsimba sa 24 pumayag naman si panget.. I swear nagseselos ako sa kanila. :( sabi naman ng tropa namin ni panget alam kasi ng tropa namin siya lang ang hindi na mahal ko na siya ang sabi nila "UMATRAS ka na kesa UMABANTE ikaw lang masasaktan sa bandang huli" ano gagawin ko:(
graduating na kami lalayuan ko na ba siya?:(
ang haba na to lola.. thanks...
Ask Lola says:
It seems like a lost cause. I don't want to be too negative but you notice so yourself, he seems to not be interested with you (not in that way at least). Friends come and go, just like any people in your life come and go. You'd find yourself meeting more people in college, and it will divert your attention into so many things. I'd say maybe you should take on the advice of your other friends--they know you better than I do!--and maybe it is for the best to actually remain friends and not to pursue him. You can't keep pushing yourself into someone who is not willing to take you... it's almost like stabbing your own self with the pain when someone else deserves you. Just try to be happy and for him as well and sometimes it's for the best.
X lent girl
Message
Hello Lola.
i am a fourth year student now and i would like to ask you some advice. I would really appreciate your response.
Transferee student lang ako nung 3rd year ako sobra tahimik ko kasi sobrang magkakakilala na sila pero kahit ganun naging mabait naman sila sa akun lalo na to isang guy who become my bestfriend. lagi nga niya sinasabi sakin na "ikaw ang unang babae naging bestfriend ko" di ako naniwala doon pero sabi sakin ng mga classmates ko na ako lang daw talaga ang una nakaclose nun. anyways I called him PANGET ewan ko ba pero ngayon 4th year ko lang nasanay na tawagin siya nun pero pag sweet ako DADDY ang tawag ko sa kanya kasi may gusto siya sa MOMMY ko classmate ko pero nung may gusto na ko sa kanya panget na lang nasasaktan na ko nun eh haha sobrang sweet niya talaga nasanay na nga kami na kami ang laging nagkwkwentuhan, magkasama, basta pero ngayon iba na. Siguro nag sawa na siya sa company ko kasi di na kami madalas magsama ngayon tapos kapag naasar siya kapag inaasar kami sa isa't isa kung siya naasar ako kinikilig. nainlove na ko sa bestfriend ko. Di ko naman expected yun eh.
Pero sa totoo lang dahil siguro sobra busy niya sa mga gawain sa school dahil kahit maloko siya di ka maniniwala sobrang talino niya especially in math and science at officer siya sa mga clubs naiintindihan ko naman yun eh kaso para kami ewan ngayon pano ba naman para si FURY (tawagin na lang natin) na ang nasasabihan ko ng problema ko pag vacant namin siya lagi ang kausap ko kung ano si panget noon para si fury na yung pumapalit but still whatever happens si panget parin yung bestfriend ko pero parang hindi na ako yung bestfriend niya kasi kung ano ako sa kanya may pumapalit na iba SI M.A. :(((
di ko nga alam kung sa dadarating na christmas na siya parin ang kasama ko kasi narinig ko na niyaya ni m.a.si panget magsimba sa 24 pumayag naman si panget.. I swear nagseselos ako sa kanila. :( sabi naman ng tropa namin ni panget alam kasi ng tropa namin siya lang ang hindi na mahal ko na siya ang sabi nila "UMATRAS ka na kesa UMABANTE ikaw lang masasaktan sa bandang huli" ano gagawin ko:(
graduating na kami lalayuan ko na ba siya?:(
ang haba na to lola.. thanks...
Ask Lola says:
It seems like a lost cause. I don't want to be too negative but you notice so yourself, he seems to not be interested with you (not in that way at least). Friends come and go, just like any people in your life come and go. You'd find yourself meeting more people in college, and it will divert your attention into so many things. I'd say maybe you should take on the advice of your other friends--they know you better than I do!--and maybe it is for the best to actually remain friends and not to pursue him. You can't keep pushing yourself into someone who is not willing to take you... it's almost like stabbing your own self with the pain when someone else deserves you. Just try to be happy and for him as well and sometimes it's for the best.
Should I Say No To Him?
Elle S.
Message
Hey, it's me Elle. Uhm, I don't know where to start. Uh, anyway, there's this guy. I met him through facebook. We are both admins of an anime page. At first, I treat him like a brother since I'm older than him. But later on, he expressed his feelings for me. He would text and call me. But I don't know what love is since I've never been into that area and I'm focusing on my studies--and anime! XD Then, I don't know but I think I'm already in love with him, too. The thing is, although we haven't seen each other yet, I can feel that he's serious with me. I'm a psychology student so I can sense his sincerity. But, I want to stop already. I want him to forget about me. He has plans of looking for me after he finished his studies but I don't want anything to do with him. You might wonder why. You might say I'm a bad girl but that's what I want him to see so he won't be hurt. Ok, I think you're probably confused. THe thing is, I AM SICK! Seriously sick. Although surgery will temporarily make me well--and miracles hopefully--I don't think we should be together. I know how my parents and the people around me suffer when they see me suffer...and it's enough to break my heart. So I just want to know what you can say about this. Should I start to forget about him? I'm doing pretty fine forgetting him and I think he can manage to forget about me, too. Thanks, lola! ^___^
Ask Lola says:
This is more of a personal opinion. I'm sure some other people will beg to differ. I DON'T THINK you can FULLY love someone you only met online. I think you can develop feelings for them, sure of course, but you need to interact with a person before you can fully understand "love" or "being in love." Anyway, if you really don't want to lead him on, I'd just just talk to him--the nicest way possible--and let him know you're not interested. In that case, he doesn't plan out his life on something that may not happen. I know it will hurt him--but any rejection hurts especially if you don't want to be rejected--but it's a part of it. You have to say it or else you'd hurt him even more.
Elle S.
Message
Hey, it's me Elle. Uhm, I don't know where to start. Uh, anyway, there's this guy. I met him through facebook. We are both admins of an anime page. At first, I treat him like a brother since I'm older than him. But later on, he expressed his feelings for me. He would text and call me. But I don't know what love is since I've never been into that area and I'm focusing on my studies--and anime! XD Then, I don't know but I think I'm already in love with him, too. The thing is, although we haven't seen each other yet, I can feel that he's serious with me. I'm a psychology student so I can sense his sincerity. But, I want to stop already. I want him to forget about me. He has plans of looking for me after he finished his studies but I don't want anything to do with him. You might wonder why. You might say I'm a bad girl but that's what I want him to see so he won't be hurt. Ok, I think you're probably confused. THe thing is, I AM SICK! Seriously sick. Although surgery will temporarily make me well--and miracles hopefully--I don't think we should be together. I know how my parents and the people around me suffer when they see me suffer...and it's enough to break my heart. So I just want to know what you can say about this. Should I start to forget about him? I'm doing pretty fine forgetting him and I think he can manage to forget about me, too. Thanks, lola! ^___^
Ask Lola says:
This is more of a personal opinion. I'm sure some other people will beg to differ. I DON'T THINK you can FULLY love someone you only met online. I think you can develop feelings for them, sure of course, but you need to interact with a person before you can fully understand "love" or "being in love." Anyway, if you really don't want to lead him on, I'd just just talk to him--the nicest way possible--and let him know you're not interested. In that case, he doesn't plan out his life on something that may not happen. I know it will hurt him--but any rejection hurts especially if you don't want to be rejected--but it's a part of it. You have to say it or else you'd hurt him even more.
Online Love
Anonymous Writer
Message
Hello ate :) Gusto ko lang po sana itanong na kung paano kapag may nakilala ka, online lang pero matagal na din kayong nag uusap. Nagsimula kayo maging friends since nung inapproach ka niya sa fb tapos ayun, naging close kami at lahat lahat. Kaso, hindi ko alam kung ano ba yung totoong feeling na nararamdaman ko, kasi masaya naman kapag kausap ko sya, kaso nga lang natatakot ako na kapag nasa totoong buhay na, yung parang mabago lahat. Is that possible? To fell inlove sa internet? Pero nakakatakot din magconfess dahil baka sabihin ng ex ko naang bilis ko naman magpalit although its not really the reason kug bakit nag break yung rel namin dati. I don't really know what to feel or say. Hindi ko alam kung may nararamdaman nga ba ako. Urgh. Can you help me? Thankss :)
Ask Lola says:
Well, online "relationships" are a risk on its own already. Anyone can say anything on the internet. Of course, to some people, it works out.. they find someone who actually stays real. There is a chance that it will be different in person, but eventually, if you want to have a relationship with this person.. it can't stay online for long. You have to find out if that excitement stays even in person. You'll find out eventually if you really like him.
I'd say don't confess until you actually get to know how this person acts. If you really never knew him and he's a total stranger, be careful because there are a lot of crazy people out there! Develop a bond first (IN PERSON) before jumping in a commitment.
As for your ex, there's a reason why he's called an "EX" :) so don't worry. Just make sure you don't hurt his feelings and let him know the trust after a while.
Anonymous Writer
Message
Hello ate :) Gusto ko lang po sana itanong na kung paano kapag may nakilala ka, online lang pero matagal na din kayong nag uusap. Nagsimula kayo maging friends since nung inapproach ka niya sa fb tapos ayun, naging close kami at lahat lahat. Kaso, hindi ko alam kung ano ba yung totoong feeling na nararamdaman ko, kasi masaya naman kapag kausap ko sya, kaso nga lang natatakot ako na kapag nasa totoong buhay na, yung parang mabago lahat. Is that possible? To fell inlove sa internet? Pero nakakatakot din magconfess dahil baka sabihin ng ex ko naang bilis ko naman magpalit although its not really the reason kug bakit nag break yung rel namin dati. I don't really know what to feel or say. Hindi ko alam kung may nararamdaman nga ba ako. Urgh. Can you help me? Thankss :)
Ask Lola says:
Well, online "relationships" are a risk on its own already. Anyone can say anything on the internet. Of course, to some people, it works out.. they find someone who actually stays real. There is a chance that it will be different in person, but eventually, if you want to have a relationship with this person.. it can't stay online for long. You have to find out if that excitement stays even in person. You'll find out eventually if you really like him.
I'd say don't confess until you actually get to know how this person acts. If you really never knew him and he's a total stranger, be careful because there are a lot of crazy people out there! Develop a bond first (IN PERSON) before jumping in a commitment.
As for your ex, there's a reason why he's called an "EX" :) so don't worry. Just make sure you don't hurt his feelings and let him know the trust after a while.